Parenting In The Modern Age: Honoring Traditions, Healing Generational Trauma, and Nurturing Healthy Families

As the heart and soul of our families, mothers can shape our children’s present and future. Being a mother in this fast-paced era comes with its unique challenges, but remember, it also carries the potential to break old, harmful patterns and build healthier, stronger bonds. Healing generational trauma and fostering a safe, nurturing environment is a challenging yet rewarding journey, and we’re here to guide you every step of the way.

As a Native American woman in today’s world, you carry the heavy mantle of nurturing your families and communities while navigating a complex tapestry of cultural preservation, systemic injustices, socioeconomic challenges, and the scars of historical trauma. These unique struggles amplify the usual challenges of motherhood. Yet, you continue to face them with courage and resilience, embodying the spirit of our ancestors while forging a brighter path for our future generations.

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that healing starts with recognition. Drawing from the insightful work of childhood trauma therapist Morgan Pommells, we’ll outline some behaviors that we, as parents, need to be mindful of and how to reshape them to positively impact our children’s lives.t

Let’s Remove These Bad Habits

• Projecting our fears: It’s human to have worries, but remember not to let them govern your parenting style. It’s important to encourage your children to explore the world on their terms and learn through their experiences.
• Using hurtful words: Always remember that words carry weight. Instead of belittling, practice using words that uplift and foster self-esteem. Our Native languages are rich with expressions of love; use them.
• Shaming: Teach your children that it’s okay to make mistakes and they are opportunities to learn and grow, not sources of shame.
• Control: While it’s essential to guide your children, imposing strict control can hamper their individual growth. Encourage their autonomy while still setting healthy boundaries.
• Conditional love: Love should never be a bargaining chip. Reassure your children that your love is constant, regardless of their achievements or failures.
• Ignoring feelings: Validate your child’s feelings and teach them to express their emotions healthily. An empathetic conversation can work wonders.
• Inconsistency: Consistency provides a sense of security for children. Stay consistent in your parenting style and the rules you set.
• Denial of reality: Honesty, even in difficult situations, is paramount. Shielding children from reality can breed confusion and mistrust.
• Invalidation: Always validate your child’s experiences, even if you don’t fully understand them. This validation helps build their confidence and self-worth.
• Expecting perfection: Perfection is an illusion. Instead, focus on progress and efforts, celebrating small victories and fostering resilience.
• Living through your child: It’s important to respect your child’s individuality and allow them to pursue their dreams and aspirations.
• Physical discipline: Let’s break this cycle of violence. Research shows that physical punishment can harm in many ways, including instilling fear and causing long-lasting trauma. Instead, opt for positive reinforcement and non-violent discipline strategies.

Remember, we are all on a learning journey. As we allow our children to grow, we must allow ourselves that same space. Embrace your strengths and understand that seeking help is okay when things get tough. We are a community here to support one another, honor our past, shape our present, and envision a brighter future.

Things Morgan Pommells is begging my parents to stop doing as a trauma therapist:

• Yelling at your children as soon as you get home from work.
• When you’re upset, give the “silent treatment” to the entire room/family.
• Waking your children up with aggression or loud noises
• Treating siblings so differently that there is a clear favorite, specifically sons.
• Saying, “I guess I’m just the worst mom,” when your kids share that they’re hurt.
• Refusing to apologize because you are the parent and therefore don’t have to.
• Expecting the whole household to walk on eggshells when you’re in a bad mood.
• Not protecting your children from the other parent when that parent did this something legitimately wrong or harmful.
• Depending on them for emotional support like you would with a partner.
• Mistreating them because “the world isn’t fair” doesn’t actually prepare them for anything other than a potential lifelong lifetime of traumatization.
• Seeing your children as extensions of you. They are so much more than this.
• Believing they should be grateful because you feed and has them. This is your job.

Let’s strive to become the mothers who heal, nurture, and uplift, creating a solid foundation for future generations.

Morgan Pommells, BSW, MSW, MA, Ph.D. Student Morgan has 10 years of experience working with trauma survivors. She has a Bachelor’s of Social Work, a Master’s of Social Work, and a Master’s of International Relations. She is currently completing her Ph.D. in Social Work.

This post is not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any disease or condition. It is not intended to substitute for a qualified licensed professional’s advice, treatment, and/or diagnosis.